home • archive

Cell Phone Additiction is Rude to Those Around You

Dear Thelma:

I have college-aged children who by any standard are clearly addicted to their cell phones. I was recently embarrassed by my son’s rudeness at an important gathering of extended family – a reunion of family members from around the country celebrating a milestone. My son’s absence was keenly felt as he stood outside the restaurant window in conversation on his cell phone for the entire event. I’ve tried everything and just don’t know what to do anymore. What should I do?

Answer:

If you haven’t yet told him that his behavior is rude, you must do so now. It is definitely rude to accept an invitation to an event and then not show up, which is what he has done by withdrawing from the gathering to hold an extended cell phone conversation. He has, in a glaring way, demonstrated to the family gathered that this one conversation is more important than spending two hours catching up with them. It would have been better if he had not attended at all.

He may have thought that taking his call outside was the polite thing to do. But he has missed the basic etiquette surrounding cell phone use, which is to give your attention to the people at hand rather than to a caller. You should be able to explain this to him and as a young adult he should be able to realize its importance and put it into practice.

If he doesn’t or if he refuses to, the next step I would take is to not invite the young man to the next family event. As much as he will be missed, he obviously isn’t really in attendance anyway.

Aside from the cell phone portion of your question, the idea of family reunions is important too. Family gatherings are more and more difficult to plan because the busy lives of family members scattered across the country. These events become more important as time goes on. The older generation wants so much to get caught up with the younger generation’s lives. They go with happy anticipation of making that connection.

Before you attend such an event with your children or teens, have a conversation with them about why the reunion is important and what is expected. Discuss showing the proper respect for their family and how to guide their decisions by heartsense. Talk about showing respect for members of the older generation attending through your behavior, attitude and even attire and grooming. Include in your discussion the importance of being present in the moment, which means no cell phone conversations or texting.

I realize that being connected with cell phones is normal to young people. What we must teach them is that while it’s OK to be normal, it’s never OK to be rude.

Dear Thelma:

Today’s restaurants serve too much food and my husband and I are always wasting food. So now, we each order a salad and split the dinner in half. What is the right way to ask to do this? Should we half the plate or ask them to? Is it offensive to restaurants to ask them to do this?

Answer:

I agree that portions are often too big for one person and I also have found the need to split a dinner at times. If the meal is something that is easy for the kitchen to split, like a pasta dish or a meal-sized salad, most restaurants will bring it to you split if you ask your server. It is fine to ask.

If you have ordered something that’s not easily split, like a steak and baked potato, ask for an extra plate and split it yourself at the table.

A polite request and good manners never go out of style.

Have a question about etiquette? Ask it at www.askthelma.com. Thelma Domenici is CEO of Thelma Domenici & Associates, offering contemporary social skills development programs to all ages.